Dad has decreed: There shall not be turkey (and therefore no stuffing) at this year’s Christmas Dinner.
Why? He has been doing some research and discovered how stupid turkeys are, and so he has decided that he is ideologically opposed to allowing anyone in his family to eat such idiotic animals.
His kids and grandchildren protest – it cannot be Christmas dinner if we don’t have turkey.
Not so, says Dad:
– It’s still a dinner, and it is taking place on Christmas Day, right?
– You can put food on your plate and cut it into pieces can’t you? Isn’t that part of the process of eating?
– You can put food in your mouth can’t you? That’s caloric intake, isn’t it? That’s eating, right?
– There’s still turnips and parsnips, that’s food. (I hate them.) Well, put gravy on them (I’m allergic.)
– But potatoes, look all those potatoes, you can heap your plate up with them, and I know you really like them.
Yes, Dad, I do like potatoes, but not enough to make up for the fact that there won’t be any turkey.
Sorry Dad, if Mom isn’t making turkey and stuffing, then it isn’t Christmas Dinner, and so me and my brothers and all of the grandchildren are going out for gluten-free pizza on December 25, and we’re taking your credit card because you are going to pay.